The Truth is the Truth

Recently, I have made a depressing discovery.  It seems that I, Shelby Louise Stockton, must acquire a boyfriend.  I don’t necessarily want a boyfriend, but all of my friends are hooked up in relationships, and per usual, the cheese stands alone.

Although I enjoy my alone time, I am a very social creature.  Too much solitude makes me anxious.  I usually have a stacked social calendar, but lately I am finding more often than not, that at the end of the day, I have no plans. A gal can take night time yoga classes for so long.

There are a few reasons why having a BF does not work in my favor.  I don’t like checking in with people.  As a Scorpio, it is not natural for me to “share” all aspects of my life, as benign as they may seem, with another person.  It bores me.  I also think that men are a lot of trouble. The return is not worth the investment.  Not only that, but the saddest moments of my life have always been while I was in a relationship and the happiest are when I’m single.  Do you see the conundrum?

But I’m bored, so I may as well get on the relationship train, even if it’s for a bit.  One of my friends will surely break-up, and then I’ll be back in business.

But something is holding me back, and I haven’t been sure what.  Until now.

It’s Stamos.  I have this unfinished business, and I feel that my life will remain stagnant until I accomplish this goal.  I don’t know how to do it, but it must be done.  We know what doesn’t work – love letters, songs, flyers around town, pleading to Ellen Degeneres…  The list goes on and on.  But if I don’t reach this goal, there is a good chance that I will die alone in this attic, with a toned yoga body.  I’m reaching for the sleeping pills now.

I encourage any advice or ideas that anyone may have to win Stamo’s sympathy.  I’m open to suggestions.  My life kind of depends on it.  No pressure.